Kimchi Nachos, and The Beef

So, I made a big batch of shredded chipotle beef on Sunday. It did not photograph well. However, I really believe that if the beef could talk, it would say “I have nothing to prove. Taste me.” And you would trust it, because it would sound like the improbable love-child of Morgan Freeman and James Earl Jones. And Boyz II Men would be there. And Barry White.

All things considered, I am glad that the beef cannot talk, because I have been doing shameless things with it all week. Let’s chat about nachos for a bit.

Down the street from my apartment, and one block from the Multnomah County Library, there is a dive bar called Momo’s. Much like The Beef (yes, I’m capitalizing it now), Momo’s doesn’t put on airs. Momo’s has sticky floors, tacky wall art depicting the boobs of various confident women (with glitter), and unisex restrooms that achieve impressive questionableness after 7pm. We frequent Momo’s for their dreamy beer-garden, and for their life-changing nachos (the boobs are a bonus?). Momo’s has taught me something crucial about nachos that I’m dying to share with you today.

Beans. On. The. Bottom.

Momo’s builds their nachos ON TOP of the refried beans. What are the implications of such an odd choice? My dear friend, not a single dry chip on the plate, that’s what. Anytime I have ever had nachos previous to Momo’s (we’ll call this dim 26 years of my life “BM”, for Before Momo’s), it has been the same let-down. You know how this goes. First: steaming plate of melted cheese and beans and chips plus other accessories. Squee! 10 minutes later: sweaty, coagulated cheese plus disappointing surplus of useless, dry chips.

I have no solution yet for the sweaty, coagulated cheese. That is a cross that we all must bear with dignity and with acceptance. But we do have a choice of where we place our beans and I declare that, henceforth, the only proper position for the beans on this totem pole is firmly on the bottom, where it can provide equal opportunity for the prosperity and moistness of all chips.

I am endlessly endebted to the proprietors of Momo’s for this information. Now let’s chat about Kimchi Nachos. I am not married to a foodie. I am married to a physicist, whose zipper is frequently in the down position, who enjoys McDonald’s breakfast in the bath at times. However, there have been two occasions in which he has created an edible that was so profoundly enlightened, so apropos of nothing, and just plain genius.  One of those divine creations is kimchi nachos.

It’s not complicated- it’s nachos with kimchi instead of salsa. I can’t think of anything else to say about it. It just is kimchi nachos, with beans on the bottom, and…The Beef. I am confident that a recipe is not required for this. A photo can be found above, if you are a visual learner.

The Beef has a recipe, and that recipe is below! You’ll see The Beef again later this week, in the form of a burrito bowl.

Cocoa-Chipotle Beef (Slow-cooker)
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Prep Time
10 min
Cook Time
8 hr
Total Time
8 hr 10 min
Prep Time
10 min
Cook Time
8 hr
Total Time
8 hr 10 min
Ingredients
  1. 2-3 lb. beef chuck roast
  2. 2 t. kosher salt
  3. 1 t. cumin
  4. 2 t. chili powder
  5. 1 T. cocoa powder
  6. 1 c. beef stock
  7. 2 T. tomato paste
  8. 1 can chipotle peppers in adobo sauce
  9. 2 T. olive oil
Instructions
  1. Heat oil over medium-high heat in a large skillet. Make a rub with the salt, spices, and cocoa powder. Rub all over meat. Sear the roast for about 3 minutes per side, or until a dark crust develops.
  2. Spray the inside of your crockpot with cooking spray and place the roast inside.
  3. Deglaze the skillet with the beef stock. Reduce heat and stir in the tomato paste until a smooth sauce forms. Squeeze all of just the adobo sauce from your can of chipotles into the pan and stir to combine. Pour this all over the roast in the crockpot. Add 1 chipotle pepper for medium heat, or two or more for extra spicy. You can keep it mild by leaving the peppers out- the adobo sauce adds incredible flavor on its own.
  4. Cover the roast and cook for 8 hours on low heat.
  5. When cooked, remove the roast to a baking dish. Pour the liquid from the crockpot into a large measuring cup and set aside. Using two forks, discard any fat and bones, and shred the meat.
  6. Using a spoon, skim the oil from the top of the chipotle sauce. Pour the skimmed sauce over the shredded beef.
  7. Serve, or store in the refrigerator for later.
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I am so glad we finally talked about nachos. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

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